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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I keep walking, trying to shake off the weirdness. I hit up the Heeze’s park, you know, the one with the pond? I sit down on a bench, just trying to breathe. But then, this kid runs by, and I swear he’s got a water balloon. Next thing I know, SPLASH! I’m soaked! I’m like, “What is this, a water park?” The kid just laughs and runs off. I can’t even be mad. It’s kinda funny, right?

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